The desolate light of winter and my heart_Part5
（続き）
The music used for the slides was
Night Note
footprints
SoundCloud
Final installment in the series ‘The desolate light of winter and my heart’.
This article is subtitled ‘Early morning ‘Kurashiki Ivy Square’, but it was photographed around 8am.
It had been confirmed during the previous day's visit that the gates opened at 7am. However, I was late leaving because there was a possibility of snowfall during the night. But there was no snow and it appeared to have only rained. Even though there was a warning-level cold wave, Okayama is still a mild region and it did not snow.
When I went home that day, I could see snow even from the train window. This is not surprising as the area is a residential area in the mountains at an altitude of more than 300 metres.
The square was empty the previous afternoon.
The only people I saw on the site this early morning were elderly staff going about their maintenance work.
Will I ever come back to this place, which has many difficult conditions for photography? At least, I don't think I will anymore, not in these bitterly cold months.
The thought of how many years I have left to live was intensified on 2 January when I was replaying some scenes from the singing contest I had recorded, at my daughter's request.
Thirty years ago, I celebrated my father's 70th birthday and the earthquake came two days later.
My father died eight years later. In his last year, he had no appetite because of a fever at New Year's. When he was well, he played many recorded singing contests through the stereo system at high volume, but at that time he could barely sit down. It was a quiet New Year and he died of pneumonia 20 days later.
I didn't think I would live to my father's age, who was a stalwart sailor, and I knew then that I may or may not watch it seven more times, even though I hadn't seen the end-of-year programme for years now.
As I looked at my wife's last New Year's photo, I thought about how she would never have expected to die in November of that year.
Just looking at the facilities I had hoped to stay in with her when we were younger might have been enough.
The end would come unexpectedly.
「冬ざれの光と心」のシリーズ最終回
「早朝の倉敷アイビースクエア」との副題を付けたが、撮影は８時前くらい。
開門時間が７時だということは前日の訪問時に確認していた。が、夜間に降雪の可能性があったため、出かけるのが遅くなった。しかし、雪は無く、雨が降っただけのようだった。警報級の寒波襲来であっても、岡山はやはり温暖な地域、降雪には至らなかった。
この日、帰宅すると、電車の窓からでも雪が見えた。標高300ｍを超える山間の住宅地だから当然と言えば当然なのだが。
前日の午後も人影のなかった広場。
早朝、敷地内で見かけたのはメンテナンス作業に取り掛かる年老いた職員ばかり。
撮影には色々と難しい条件があるこの場所へ、私は再び来ることがあるだろうか。少なくとも、この厳寒の時期はもうない気がする。
あと何年生きるかという思いは、１月２日、録画していた歌合戦の幾つかの場面を、娘のリクエストで再生していて、殊更深まった。
30年前、父の古希を祝い、その2日後に震災が来た。
父が亡くなったのは、それから８年後。最後の年の正月は発熱のため食欲がなかった。元気な時には録画の歌合戦をステレオシステムに通して大音量で何度も再生していたのだが、その時は座っているのがやっと。静かな正月になり、それから20日後肺炎で亡くなった。
頑健な船乗りだった父の歳まで私が生きるとは思えず、そうなると、もう何年も見ていない年末番組なのに、あと７回見るか見ないかなのだと思った。
妻の最後の正月の写真を眺めながら、その年の11月に亡くなるとは思っていなかっただろうなと想った。
若い頃、一緒に泊まりたいと考えていた施設を眺めただけで、もう十分かもしれない。
終わりは不意にやってくるのだろう。
